Profoundness...

I changed my AIM screen name today. I’ve been looking to change it for a couple of weeks. The first time I changed it, I couldn’t log on cause I spelled it wrong…looser. But I successfully changed it and I must say I like the new SN, it’s quite applicable to me and what’s been going on in my life.

I IM’d NAT today to say hi and find out the specifics for her being upset at me. She said some things that got me thinking and I asked myself the Key Question: is there anything I can do to fix what happened? And as usual there wasn’t so I apologized for what it was worth and moved on. Then I got to thinking again, my nonchalant personality had just came shining through. I mean to me, it doesn’t make sense to analyze and beat myself up over something that I can’t do anything about. I’m not going to waste my time or energy cause I have more important things to do then wear myself out mentally. And so…from my semi-insightful conversation with NAT, I came up with a screen name that depicts my “lackadaisical” attitude and my ability to not let things penetrate me to my core. This way, I won’t rot from the inside out like a few other people I’ve come in contact with and had the pleasure of knowing...

I went to the club last night with HoSHI and some other folk. There were one or two decent people there and a whole lot more that were interesting to watch. HoSHI said something pretty truthful last night, most people go to the club to take out sexual frustration and to test themselves. That was so evident by the two girls practically fu@kin’ each other on a wobbly table and the numerous others who were getting’ it in chairs. And of course, don’t forget the token girl fight. I watched it develop from a heated conversation between friends to an aggressive shove from the “angry chick” to the unsuspecting antagonist to swinging fists and hair pulling. It was striking to watch in a weird way.

I volunteered to sleep on the couch cause trying to get some decent sleep in a tiny bed with out being all on some one is practically impossible. Plus it was 6am by the time we got back and I just wanted to sleep…hard... and the couch was the best way to get that accomplished. Life hasn’t been exciting although I have been talking to some new people that have been able to make me smile and take my mind of the mundane. I get paid this week so that will get me out of my funk for a short while. Or at least until I go home to escape from this stressful place where so much has gone on in such a short period of time and changed me forever.

I wonder how long it takes to get some one you loved with all your heart and soul and still care for deeply out of your system…

:amel: