Flaws...

Sometimes I think I’m too nice. I go out of my way for others, in hopes that it will strengthen my bond with the person even though it usually doesn’t…depending on the person. I need to stop that cause that’s how I just end up unhappy and doing stuff I don’t wanna do. And then people are often ungrateful and unappreciative and I feel like my efforts just go unnoticed. I’m not necessarily asking to be compensated but just a little gratitude would be nice. I should try a little exercise and be selfish for like a week and only do things that benefit me and no one else. Part of the reason I do stuff like this is just cause I’m just a generous person, I mean there’s nothing wrong being nice to others, I guess I just have to draw a line somewhere... More traits and characteristics about myself that are flawed. Ehh, oh well, life is about learning yourself and that’s what I’m doing. I wonder how many people feel they know themselves pretty well. I know I’m on my way, but I still have a ways to go.

As the last week of school approaches, I have 2 major papers to write. That’s no prob, but then there’s a couple of wayward assignments that I’ve yet to turn in. Today would be a great day to get up on that…but I so would rather just fu@k around on the computer and talk to random people. School…huh…ehh...cute…I finished my last major film paper yesterday so to reward myself I drank. HoSHI came down to do some laundry and was going to go visit the newbe but ended up staying. Our libation of choice… 99 Bananas. We drank with Lianna and entertained her for several hours. We stumbled back to my room at 3am and knocked the fu@k out. It was the best slep we’ve had since we’ve been apart, but it was probably cause of the liquor. I even got up and when to class this morning.

Lianna asked when we were going to get back together along with a couple of other random people. She said that she doesn’t think that we have totally moved on, and I agree…at least I haven’t. Her on the other hand, she hasn’t but is forcing herself to so she won’t get hurt…or at least that’s what I understand. GURRR!!!! We talked on Tuesday about how I felt about her and all that fun stuff and she was shocked by what I said and how I still care…GURRR I say again. I don’t know what she thinks about me and my feelings for her, and I don’t know how much she cares. Sometimes I wanna be good friends and kick it and laugh. Other times I want her to be mine exclusively and other times still, I wanna have nothing to do with her. She affects me so much and I hate that she still has that much control over me. *sigh* I’m good though, I don’t spend too much time thinking about it because I don’t wanna dwell in the past. I’m ready to move onward and upward...kinda

Oh yea, this girl that I’ve know for 4 years sent me this txt talking about her feelings for me haven’t gone a way… I was very shocked and surprised. In short, she was a girlfriend of a friend and when they broke up we continued to talk. We went out a couple of times, did some heavy flirting and had numerous late night convo's but nothing really came of it. They always say when you’re not looking to be in a relationship or don’t wanna be, someone comes along. This should be an interesting and provide a little needed excitement.

:amel: