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This was somthing that i wrote the other day. Eventhough i haven't written in a while, this will kinda update you all to what's been going on. This all stemed from a conversation with mr. green...

Sigh… This relationship thing is crazy. I've been on such an emotional roller coaster with this woman. I love her to death but my actions have caused too much damage. On one hand I really just want everything to work out between the two of us. I want her to love me for who I am and not hate me for my mistake. I want her to know that I am truly sorry for what I did to our relationship and to her. I want to do all the things to show her that I'm not a cheater and I'm a good person to be with. I know that what I'm asking is going to take time and I'm willing to be patient.
In the same breath, our relationship has taken its toll on the both of us. I'm not loved, appreciated or feel cared about. Talking is hard and being around each other is awkward. Especially since she just spent time with the girl that she thinks is wonderful. I can’t compare to her cause I’m just that girl that slept with some one else. She’s the girl that can do no wrong. She looks the way she wants and she is some one she loves to spend time with. That’s what I should be, that's what I wanna be, I'm her girlfriend. She's just so happy where she is in her life and I'm not some one that makes her happy any more. I feel like I just bring her down.
I just thing that we should just part ways. This will give her time to decide what she wants with out having to worry about us. She can think and do as she pleases, with out being attached to me. If its meant to be, then it's meant to be and we will be together when its our time. Right now I think we're too far gone for things to get better. Our relationship is not going to be like was for a long time and perhaps if we spend time apart she will remember how things were and want that again. I'm so torn cause I just wanna stick it out, however, it hurts. It hurts to know that no matter what, I will always be looked at as just a cheater. And it hurts to know that I'm not what she wants right now. I love her with all my heart and soul, but I think we need to be apart so that no more damage is done and we can still be friends at the very least.

And that's exactly what happened. We are no longer together. So much has to change. As of right now i'm fine with it cause i know that's what we need. I'm sure as time goes by things will get really difficult.

:amel: