Socialite Funk

Sometimes, a lot of times, I feel like I just don’t measure up to people that are in my age bracket. There’s such a push to be an individual and to do your own thing. I feel everyone is evolving and becoming their own independent person while I’m just stand around watching. All my life, I’ve always wanted to be some one that stood out or some that drew others to me. In primary school, I fell short of that, thus the reason I hated middle and high school. In college, it’s been a little better. Coming home and having down time to think has got me wondering, where do I stand now…Who am I really. Maybe I am that person that stands out to people cause I’m not changing, cause I’m consistent with my thoughts and feelings. Perhaps, I’m still lost like most of the other people I wanna be like cause they are constantly changing and don’t know who they are themselves. In either case, I’m still single, don’t have any prospectives (at least that I’m interested in) and feel inadequate.

Just once, I wish a “cool” person would approach and befriend me
Just once, I wish some one I was actually interested in would take interest in me as well
Just once, I wish I wasn’t always pursuing people for their friendship or acquaintanceship for that matter

Granted, I could stop being one who pursues but then I wouldn’t have anyone and that would put me in an even worse funk then I’m already in. HoShi told me about this flaw of mine, how I pursue people no mater what they do to me. At the time, I reasoned that that’s how I’ve been since day 1. I mean there are people in the world that are “callers” and “callees”, people that are pursued and people that do the pursuing. She’s one who is pursued so I guess she wouldn’t have got it anyway….

You know, my social life isn't that bad and I’m not complaining. I mean it could definitely be worse, I’ve been there and done that. My socializing, I guess, isn’t where I’d like it to be. Not necessarily the things I do, but the people I do it with. I feel like things are one sided all the time with a lot of the people i hang out with. I'm going to stop right here, cause if i keep going, i'm going to start complaining and i've done enough of that above

:amel: