Cash Flow...Or Lack there Of

I need another job. I’m trying to do to much to just have this little part time bullsh!t. I finally got my nomination package from Peace Corps. Now I have to schedule and pay for (w/o insurance mind you) a dentist, eye and physical exam. I was going to play with the money I got from this mutual fund from my granny but, doesn’t look like that’s going to be happening. Part of it is going to my car and part to this doctor stuff. If there’s anything left over, I’m getting my guitar. I finally decided which one I want, now I just have to get it. I found one on ebay for $120 which is great considering it’s a $500 guitar.

Ibanez Artcore AF75


From the description my recruiter gave me, sounds like I’m going to be working in Madagascar instead of Fiji. Evidently, that was the only place that an environmental program opening within my time frame. When I interviewed, I was very adamant about going anywhere but Africa. At the time I didn’t give her a reason. I just would prefer not to go to a place I have connections with. Im not prepared to see people that look like me struggling. Now granted, I’m very aware there are many affluent people living in Africa, however, the chance of me working with them are slim to non. The whole purpose of Peace Corps is to help in an area that NEEDS it. ie: wealth is not where I’m going. But for some reason, I’m cool if I go to Madagascar, maybe because it’s technically not connected to Africa, and that it’s an island. I don’t really know. Im not even sure if that’s where I’m going. I’m just taking a really good guess with the description of the program they gave me. In all honesty, I’ll be happy where ever I go...I’m just ready to go!

I’m trying to do a lot of traveling in the next few months. First trip on the list is Philly. Time for me to go back out and visit Simone. I’ll probably go out sometime in March. After Philly comes Hampton, gotta go hang out with the besti and experience Greek life at and HBCU. So I’m assuming that will be end of March, beginning of April. Then I gotta head back to the almamater for the Step Show. Last stop on the list is Chicago. Never been before but I have a few folks I’d like to spend sometime with. All this traveling means, I need to have some money set aside...Hence my need to get another job. Any offers?

:amel:

PMS Introspection

Life is so overwhelming and at times I feel like I don’t have a grasp of it. It is so important for me to portray myself as a stable intelligent woman who knows what I want out of life and knows how to get it, but most of the time I just feel like an adolescent who doesn’t know anything about it. I know that life is a learning process but I feel like I’m just going through the motions and not learning anything. It’s really scary to think about it cause I get worried about how I’m going to be 5 years down the road. It’s like I have a list of goals and accomplishments I’d like to achieve and I know what I need to do to get there but because I haven’t committed any of my life lessons to memory, I don’t really know how to get there. Scary thought isn’t it. I feel like I’m just missing something. Now being that I was brought up in a spiritual home, I could just say, if I got back into the church and feed my emaciated soul, things would probably get better and part of me honestly believes that. Spirituality could be the motivation and support i need to push me in the right direction. Another part of me is just longing for something miraculous to happen and just fix everything. That’s not realistic but hey, it nice to dream. What in the world am I going to do with myself?

...sigh...

Idle Thoughts

Being idol really sucks. You have time to sit and think about everything. Things you should be doing, things you haven’t done and things you wanna do. And if you’re not constructive with your time, you can put yourself in to a horrible mood or even depress yourself. I should be chillin’ right now. Enjoying the fact that I don’t have to work, I don’t have class. Im in a place where I don’t have any other responsibility besides keeping the house clean, walking my dogs and paying car insurance and my cell phone bill. I have to work on occasion but not everyday. It’s quite nice, but I can’t enjoy it. I have a paper that I needs to be written and I just can’t muster up enough motivation, desire or any other emotion for that matter besides apathy. Ugh...

I pride myself as being a social butterfly, but this week has put me in check. I haven’t done anything all week. I was supposed to go to Love this evening with Jemies but I didn’t feel like it so I didn’t. Yesterday I was invited to go to Be Bar but I declined cause I didn’t feel like driving into the city or drinking for that matter. All that I can think about while I’ve been sitting on my couch for the past 2 days is being bunned up. There’s only one person that I’d really like to be hugged up with but she’s not available so I sit and wait. Not necessarily for her, but just for someone else to pique my interest. I may come off as some one that keeps a lot of women around but Im very selective with who I spend my time with.

Besides whining about not being responsible and not getting any, I’ve taken interest in the stock market. Partly because I have 75 shares of apple stock and 14.5 shares of a random mutual fund, both given to me by my grandmother. I’m all for making my money work for me. Nothing would give me more pleasure then to go play in Fiji for 2 years and come back worth $50,000. I wanna get one of those “stock market for idiots” books so that I can be some what knowledgeable about what my financial advisor is going to be doing with money.

Tomorrow, I have to work for a few hrs at the store. Maybe I’ll get to see Jemmies or someone tomorrow. I’m starting to get sick of looking at the inside of my house. I’m going to finish my beverage, color and watch...some movie.

---3 hr pause---
Just finished watching the 2nd episode of the L Word. It pay's to be a VIP sometimes.

:amel: