Temptation...

So….HoSHI and I fixed our problems after a big argument and several late night conversations. We laid out the issues that we had been having, and decided that we were going to work on them and move on. Any more discussion about them would have driven us apart cause I was getting tired of talking about the same sh!t. So, we’re ok as of now, things still aren’t back to normal. For example, we do this silent thing on the phone that drives me nuts. We used to always converse on the phone, but now, it’s like we’re running out of things to say to each other. I hope that changes cause I’m not the one to sit and listen to some one breath on the phone.
I’ve been spending a lot with a friend of mine. This friend and I used to be involved over the summer. We had a messy separation but before school started, we were on good terms. We continued to chat during the school year, just to keep in touch. When I came home for thanksgiving break, she was the first person I saw. Of course HoSHI was not happy with this cause she believes I still have feelings for her. I tried to tell her that there was nothing to worry about and that we were just friends but she wasn’t buying it.
When I got home for Christmas break, she was the first person I went to see again. I thought things between us were cool, but they weren’t. She started developing feelings for me the more time we spent together. Recently, we had a rather steamy visit in which I resisted all kinds of temptations. I behaved but it was extremely hard.
I must admit that I do care for her and I always will because of the nature and intensity of our relationship. However, I have to remain mindful of the current relationship I’m in. I love HoSHI and I want our relationship to work, I mean we’ve worked at it so hard already. I enjoy the time my friend and I spend together and our friendship, but I don’t want things to go where they shouldn’t. I would say that the best thing for us to do is to not spend so much time with each other…but that’s not what I want. This relationship things is quite difficult, especially when you got sh!t going on that constantly tests it.
Christmas was quiet, I got $100 and I bought myself a blazer from H&M, I like. I’m broke as sh!t, and I’m not going to be working during break. I don’t even have enough money to put gas in my car. I absolutely hate getting money from my mom cause I know she really doesn’t have it to give away. Times are rough. On a good note, I didn’t fail my botany class. I just make the cut off to be on academic probation again… All I have to say is PRAISE THE LORD.

:amel:

I need Love...

It’s Sunday and snowing in the great state of OHIO….
I just wanna go home and see my mom and my dogs and not have to do sh!t. I still have some labs to turn in before I leave. It never ends. I REALLY DISLIKE SCHOOL!
Ok I’m going to complain cause sometimes the best thing to do is write out your problems right, right. Here we go…
Ms. Maxwell is coming home with me for part of break, so she’s with me and HoSHI for the weekend before we go home. No problems with me. I figure we’re all going to chill, laugh at each other and have a good time…so not even the case.
I have spent the majority of my time by myself. Where is she you might inquire, in the living room with Ms. Maxwell. Why you might ask…
“She’s company and I don’t want her to feel left out”.
So you’re just going to act like I’m not here?
“You’re in a bad mood, I don’t wanna be around that. I ask you what’s wrong and you say nothing, I’m not going to kiss your ass.”
Fine, then don’t get upset when I’m pouting by myself. I mean is it too much to ask for you to attempt to show that you’re happy that I’m here, or that you’re going to miss me when we leave? I’m not going to see you for three weeks. Don’t you think that if I’m in a bad mood you should try and fix it? If I don’t feel like you’re paying me any attention, pay me some damn attention!
So we have this mini argument at 2am, and we don’t reach any type of conclusion or make a resolution. So when we woke up, we had normal convo but I still felt that she hadn’t let the argument go. I mean I know she’s not going to be all lovey dovey after an argument but can I at least give you a hug?
So I feel like crap, and I’m trying to be in a good mood but it’s not working. I just wanna chill with my girl before we leave for break and put aside all the arguing and enjoy each other’s company.
I tell you I love this girl, I mean I really do but with the way we argue, I sometimes wonder if she would even care if we broke up. At this point I don’t want things to end. It’s still early, and I think it can be worked out. This three-week break is going to be a good thing for us.

:amel:

OMG!!!!

Ahhhh......I just typed a wonderful lengthy post to put on my warm and friendly blogspot and what happened?I hit preview and then tried to go back and it disappeared. So I’ll attempt to duplicate what i had but shorter cause I got sh!t to do.

The semester's over and everyone's gone but I’m still working on my take home exam that was due yesterday at 5.

I'm in a bad mood cause: I'm still doing work, there's nothing to eat on campus, HoSHI is out with Shaun and Karina and they cut the heat off in my room.

I talked to mommy and she tried to encourage me but her maternal words made me cry.

Lianna's back from Spain and i think I was the first person she came to see...
*ego booster*

I really, really, wanna see my HoSHI If i could just see her face, I would be encouraged to focus and get my work.
I hope she comes over to stay tonight but i doubt she is *sigh* I sound so needy....ick....

Going to get back to the take home. I'm also going to start my laundry so when I’m done I can just get the fu@k out of here.

:amel:

Good Morning....

Today is my last day of classes and the only thing i have is genetics. That was really going to be my major until i began to realize that i'm just not good at it. That's cool though, i'm still stickin' with the sciences. I still have my botany paper to finish and it's due at 4pm today. I really hope i can get it done by then but as of right now, my track record isn't that good for turning stuff in on time. It is what it is...
I'm so happy this semester is over, i just wanna go home and work cause i'm so BROKE. That's the plan for winter break. Until then, i'm going to spend as much time as possible with the stAr. Matter of fact i'm going down there as soon as i finish my paper. She's got 2 papers she's working on herself. I don't know how we're going to manage over break not being able to see each other. The longest we've gone has been a week, max.
Oh, my grandmother decided she'd yell at me for doing so poorly in school. This is not the first time but yesterday was just so aggravating. She thinks i can just bust an A from D. The thing that makes it so bad is that she compares my mom and me together, since we're both in school. She say's "your mom is working and going to school and she's doing good. You need to stay out the streets and keep away from them women" Every time she says that it makes me smile. How often does one get reprimanded about their lifestyle by their grandmother? At any rate...
I need to put some clothes on and get to my finial class of my 1st semester of my junior year. I'm moving right along...... SoMeHoW.

:amel:

My first Blog...

So with all the options of blog sites to choose from, this was my choice. I have no idea if it was the right one but we'll soon find out.
Right now I have 1 week left of school before finals start. I'm currently working on my botany term paper and i have a sh!t load of genetics lab reports to get done. My goal for today is to get a least have of my paper done cause it's due Thursday and it can't be late. I'll worry about the genetics stuff later, she doesn't really care when she get's it anyway.
Last night, Vandiy said she needed me. She was having a rough day, so i drove 50 minutes, in thick a$s fog at 2 in the am to see my babygirl. If that's not LOVE, i don't know what is. I had class this morning at 10 and lab at 1 and i definitely missed it... You live, you learn then you get luvs... :) At any rate, I should be workin’ on my paper right now so i'm going to get back to it.

procrastination at its best. i'll elaborate later.

:amel: